An Outline of My Story

I'm coming up on my 10 year anniversary
with myself.
On August 29th, 2004, 
I was baptized a member of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I became one of those.
I became a Mormon. 

I've been reflecting a lot on that decision
and every aspect it has effected in my life 
since that one choice was made.
I think about why I did it.
I think about what I've gained.
Sometimes I think about what i've given up.
I'm reflecting on my life
because sometimes I feel the need to take inventory.
I think this is a time
where I am supposed to reflect on who I am,
where I have been,
and where I am going.

This is a time to look at myself
with all my flaws,
imperfections,
short-comings,
and to not be afraid
at what I see.

Where did it start?

These are just my thoughts
and there's no particular order within my mind
because that's not the way my mind works.
For the sake of avoiding confusion,
these ideas will be somewhat chronological.

One of the choices I made 
that is curious to some
and sometimes even to me
is the choice to be baptized.
I was 14 years old at the time
and a freshman in high school.
I was not at all religious.
My family was not at all religious.
I was pretty happy with my life.
So, what changed?

There was a friend in high school
who told me I needed to "Be saved".
As you can imagine, 
I was pretty angry.
I felt judged,
hurt,
thrown-off,
and then confused.
I had a lot of questions.
Why?
Why would they judge me?
What makes them think they know me?
Why would they say that at all?
...
What does that even mean?
To "Be saved"?

I didn't know what to think

And then something weird happened.
Something started to pull me.
And it would not go away.
After I was done being angry,
and trust me, that took some time,
the questions started to pull me.
The questions I had wouldn't go away.
What did it even mean?
To "Be saved"?

If you remember, my family wasn't religious,
So I had to figure out where to go
to ask my questions.

I had a few religious friends
and I knew they went to church each week.
I decided to ask them.

The questions were asked purely out of curiosity
because I had already decided for myself
that I wasn't going to get involved in any religion.

I am an incredibly Strong-willed (read "Stubborn") person.
I would never put myself out there
and become committed to anything
unless I could give one-thousand percent. 
Actually, my whole family is like that.
We are pretty laid back people
but when we decide to commit to something,
anything,
or anyone,
we are incredibly loyal.
We will give a thousand percent
and become wholeheartedly,
and forever commited. 

This is why I would never be a part
of any one religion.
If I didn't agree with it,
and I mean all of it,
every aspect,
principle,
doctrine,
I wouldn't commit to it. 
Why would I waste my time
on something I didn't fully agree with?

So,
I went to my friends.
I asked my questions
and got some answers.
Some, I agreed with
and some I did not.
But you know what was interesting?
I never felt pressured to agree.
With any of my friends I talked to,
Catholic, 
Protestant, 
Christian,
they just shared what they thought. 
They answered my questions
and didn't take offense when I didn't agree.
We just talked about it.
I'm not sure if that would happen as easily today.
There's a lot of pressure to conform to
many, many opinions.
This wasn't that.
This was really open.
And I liked that.

I had a friend ask if I wanted to talk to some missionaries.
I said, "Sure!"
because I had no idea what those were
but she told me they could answer my questions.
She even offered to all meet at her house
so I wouldn't have to meet them by myself.

My process of inputting information
worked sort of like this
When I would listen to answers to my questions, 
my brain would answer,
"Yes. Yes. Sort of. Eh, don't agree. No. No way! Maybe, yes..."
I would look for the "No's" in my mind.
I would sit and wait until a No popped up.

When I met these missionaries,
I was pretty confused
Not because what they said was confusing
but my mind was going like this, 
"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes...Yes. Really, yes again? Where's No? Is that...Yes? Again YES?! Wow"
I listened that first night
and then the next time
and the next
and I always came across yes.
I don't know how these guys did it
but somehow, I couldn't find anything
that was out of line with my thinking. 
Somehow,
these Mormons,
they fit.

After I saw this pattern,
I decided to keep going.
I kept meeting with the misisonaries
and asking questions.
With every question,
every scripture we read,
from The Bible 
and The Book of Mormon,
I just kept thinking "Yes".
It was almost a feeling of being familiar
and it never went away.

My parents were supportive
and told me they used to go to the Mormon church
a long time ago
So they were familiar with what I was being taught.
I kept them up-to-date on what I was thinking
and my intentions.

When I asked my mom if I could be baptized,
She said I could under one condition.
I had to read The Book of Mormon.
The whole book.
So I did.
I started reading in July
and was baptized in August.

I'm writing this
so I can take inventory
and keep track of where I am.
I figured where it all started
is a good place to begin.

I am far from becoming who I want 
or who I am meant to be
but, more than anything else,
I am happy. 

This is my life
and I am grateful.
I found something
that is right for me.