10 years ago: My Baptism

On August 29, 2004

I was baptized a member
of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I have probably never written down
what I felt or what was significant to me
on the day I was baptized.
I’m grateful I still remember
so I can still write it down.

I remember that everyone was making it a big deal.
I didn't think of it like that.
In hindsight, I know I didn't realize
how this decision would affect my life.
This wasn't a single, lonely decision.
This decision would affect all my other decisions.
They weren't asking me to commit my Sundays.
They were asking me to commit my devotion,
my life, and my heart to Jesus Christ.
Did I really know that’s what I was doing?
No.
But that’s okay.
I knew the gospel was right.
I knew that the peace I felt while I prayed
was a peace I wanted to keep for my life.
I believed in a Savior
and that was enough.

I remember I finished reading The Book of Mormon that morning.
I knew in the beginning of my journey
that I believed those words to be true
but I will always be grateful to my mom
who asked me to do that.
It instilled in me an appreciation and love for the scriptures.
It taught me to turn towards them and read
before any important decision I made.
It taught me to continually study them
since there was so much I didn't understand.
It also set up the habit to read it
over and over again.
I know I have read The Book of Mormon
in its entirety probably 8 times.
I remember I felt a lot of love and peace
from that book.
I love that book.
I love the scriptures.
They testify of God’s infinite love for His children
and His love for me.

I remember going to the church
and seeing all the people.
And there were a lot of people.
There were probably over 100 people there.
I thought it was strange
since I didn't really know that many of them.
But I’m glad those strangers were there
because they became my ward family.
I was a 14 year old, joining the church by myself.
I’m not sure how often that happens
but the ward probably knew that I would need a lot of support.
They certainly filled that need.

I remember the hot water for the baptismal font wasn't working.
The missionaries warned me it would be cold.
I told them I didn't mind.
When I walked into the water, I was surprised.
It was warm.
Later, I learned that the sisters in the ward boiled water.
Lots and lots of water.
They boiled it, carried it and put it into the font
so the water wouldn't be cold.
I remember feeling incredible humbled
by their consideration and kindness towards me.
Even thinking about it now,
I can really feel their love for me.

When I was baptized, I don’t remember feeling very different
But that’s because I felt the same comfort and peace
that accompanied me throughout the process of preparing.
It was the same familiar feeling.
It was a feeling of hope.
I may not have known right away
how far reaching this decision was
but I can tell you that I knew it was right.
I knew The Book of Mormon was true.
I knew that this is what I wanted.

I have considered on occasion
what my life would be like without the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I’m certain I wouldn't be a bad person
but I know I wouldn't be the same.
It absolutely changed me for the better.
I became who I was meant to become.

10 years have passed
and my life is very different now.
I am married to a compassionate, hard-working man.
I have three lovely, perfect daughters.
I am learning still.
I am learning to love, accept, be patient with others
and with myself too.
I am learning to accept myself in all my flaws
because that’s how the Savior accepted me.
He asks for the intent of our hearts
and for a desire to follow Him.
I pray for that always
and thank Him for all I have and hope for.

One last thing that I remember from my baptism is a hymn we sang.
We had sung it previously in a church meeting.
I remember it was so beautiful.
It really captured and expressed the feelings of my heart.
This is why I chose it for my baptism.
It’s titled, “I stand all amazed”.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified,
That for me a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!